[ Andyr explains it and lays it all out for him -- it doesn't take long for Bucky to get the whole picture of it, sans a few pieces here and there but still. He'd caught pieces of it when the other man had been yelling it at him, viciously trying to cram all that information down his throat and Bucky had wanted none of that.
He's listening now, gaining a measure of this man, understanding him and how he clicked, and knowing they're not so different after all. He frowns, quietly sympathetic. Andyr is flippant, but Bucky knows better, aware that it's his defense mechanism, and he's still irrevocably damaged deep down inside.
That's the thing about being a lab rat, good only for things that would directly benefit others -- seen as a commodity and not as an individual: the scars don't go away all that quickly. ]
[ His eyes go a bit distant, and Andyr wants to say he hopes so too, but knows that won't be the case. Even if he's given the choice, if it's take the Ingress or stay in this universe, he'll go, right back into Hapsburg's loving arms. ]
I have to. [ with the first once of real fear in his voice, spoken quietly, and resigned. even with the torture he knows is there, the misery, the inescapable hell. but he can't leave the Houses until he knows Posie, Alva, and Alva's kids are all out and safe. That Mikal's not stuck inside the walls again. He can't stay in this world, in peace, and know he's left them behind. After all, he promised Posie he'd take her to the ocean some day.
The train of thought is abruptly derailed with the unease that jolts up in his stomach, nausea flooding him, and oh. this is what he was supposed to warm about. before it happened. a hand slaps over his mouth, and he announces, albeit muffled: ]
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He's listening now, gaining a measure of this man, understanding him and how he clicked, and knowing they're not so different after all. He frowns, quietly sympathetic. Andyr is flippant, but Bucky knows better, aware that it's his defense mechanism, and he's still irrevocably damaged deep down inside.
That's the thing about being a lab rat, good only for things that would directly benefit others -- seen as a commodity and not as an individual: the scars don't go away all that quickly. ]
I hope you never have to go back there again.
no subject
I have to. [ with the first once of real fear in his voice, spoken quietly, and resigned. even with the torture he knows is there, the misery, the inescapable hell. but he can't leave the Houses until he knows Posie, Alva, and Alva's kids are all out and safe. That Mikal's not stuck inside the walls again. He can't stay in this world, in peace, and know he's left them behind. After all, he promised Posie he'd take her to the ocean some day.
The train of thought is abruptly derailed with the unease that jolts up in his stomach, nausea flooding him, and oh. this is what he was supposed to warm about. before it happened. a hand slaps over his mouth, and he announces, albeit muffled: ]
I'm gonna puke.